a walk in their shoes...

Quite a few years ago we had something happen in our family that changed each one of our lives...all in different ways. I can't tell you how it affected anyone else in our family but for me it changed the way I looked at others. When this situation happened I had many people judge me as a parent...many questioned what kind of parent I was and why I didn't teach my child the right things...that I must be a bad parent because of the decisions that my child had made. It was at that moment that I decided that I would always try my hardest not to judge a person & their situation. After all I had never walked in their shoes. I can't say I have always been perfect at that but I can say I look at things differently & really do try to understand other's situations & conscientiously try not to judge.

Almost three years ago we lost our son-in-law while he was fighting cancer. Our lives were turned upside down. Our daughter was left alone with two small children. It changed everyone in our family...all in different ways. Soon after my son-in-law died my daughter met someone...they started dating & were married 5 months later. There were a lot of people that judged her ability to make this choice. They questioned her decision...they felt like she hadn't grieved long enough...that she moved forward too soon. No one could know what she was going thru. After all they had not walked in her shoes. I had never really realized what a blessing in disguise the first situation was until I went thru this situation. Not only was my daughter going thru a hard time feeling everyone was judging her but my new son-in-law was experiencing it somewhat as well & I was the last person they needed judging their decisions. Because of what I had gone thru years earlier...I felt none of that. I only wanted the best for her. I was so grateful that I was able to support my daughter & not question why & was so grateful to have similar feelings about my son-in-law. I'm just sad that I too have had to experience people once again judging me...especially those that I thought loved me...judging my relationships. Apparently this is something they have a hard time understanding...after all they have not walked in my shoes.

At times...looking at someone else's situation from your own perspective...things seems so clear cut & it's so easy to question/judge why someone could be making the choices that they are. But you can really never know. Life is such an individual experience.

A while back I heard this story & came upon it again just the other day...

"A young couple, Lisa and John, moved into a new neighborhood. One morning while they were eating breakfast, Lisa looked out the window and watched her next-door neighbor hanging out her wash.

“That laundry’s not clean!” Lisa exclaimed. “Our neighbor doesn’t know how to get clothes clean!”

John looked on but remained silent.

Every time her neighbor would hang her wash to dry, Lisa would make the same comments.

A few weeks later Lisa was surprised to glance out her window and see a nice, clean wash hanging in her neighbor’s yard. She said to her husband, “Look, John—she’s finally learned how to wash correctly! I wonder how she did it.”

John replied, “Well, dear, I have the answer for you. You’ll be interested to know that I got up early this morning and washed our windows!”

I'll have to admit that I laughed when I heard this story but it really does make you stop & think & really wonder...am I being judgmental? Recently I read a talk by this very wise man & he summed it all up. His words are exactly what I have wanted to express...

"I’d like to share with you a few thoughts concerning how we view each other. Are we looking through a window which needs cleaning? Are we making judgments when we don’t have all the facts? What do we see when we look at others? What judgments do we make about them?

Said the Savior, “Judge not.” He continued, “Why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?” Or, to paraphrase, why beholdest thou what you think is dirty laundry at your neighbor’s house but considerest not the soiled window in your own house?

None of us is perfect. I know of no one who would profess to be so. And yet for some reason, despite our own imperfections, we have a tendency to point out those of others. We make judgments concerning their actions or inactions.There is really no way we can know the heart, the intentions, or the circumstances of someone who might say or do something we find reason to criticize. Thus the commandment: “Judge not.”
Mother Teresa, a Catholic nun who worked among the poor in India most of her life, spoke this profound truth: “If you judge people, you have no time to love them.” The Savior has admonished, “This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.” I ask: can we love one another, as the Savior has commanded, if we judge each other? And I answer—with Mother Teresa: no, we cannot.

I consider charity—or “the pure love of Christ”—to be the opposite of criticism and judging. In speaking of charity, I do not at this moment have in mind the relief of the suffering through the giving of our substance. That, of course, is necessary and proper. However, I have in mind the charity that manifests itself when we are tolerant of others and lenient toward their actions, the kind of charity that forgives, the kind of charity that is patient.

I have in mind the charity that impels us to be sympathetic, compassionate, and merciful, not only in times of sickness and affliction and distress but also in times of weakness or error on the part of others.

Charity is having patience with someone who has let us down. It is resisting the impulse to become offended easily. It is accepting weaknesses and shortcomings. It is accepting people as they truly are. It is resisting the impulse to categorize others.

In a hundred small ways, all of you wear the mantle of charity. Life is perfect for none of us. Rather than being judgmental and critical of each other, may we have the pure love of Christ for our fellow travelers in this journey through life. May we recognize that each one is doing their best to deal with the challenges which come their way, and may we strive to do our best to help out.

Charity has been defined as “the highest, noblest, strongest kind of love,” the “pure love of Christ … ; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him.”